


Its a Cold and Broken Hallelujah

by MackTommo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Fallen Angels, Guardian Angels, Heaven, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-23
Updated: 2013-09-25
Packaged: 2017-12-27 10:43:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/977828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MackTommo/pseuds/MackTommo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Suddenly my wings are clipped</p>
<p>I find myself falling</p>
<p>Right into the arms of </p>
<p>Liam Payne</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

Many peoples perseption of heaven is very incorrect. Heaven is boring and just like wall street on earth. Everyone is trying to become someone, or something. You see when someone dies thier soul is either sent to heaven or hell. In heaven you have a chance to become 1 of three things, 1. A warrior; where you just walk around heaven and earth and keep an eye out for mischif, 2. A historian; you just record what goes on at all times, and then 3. A gaurdian; Gaurdians are the souls that are sent back with wings to protect those of lost souls. They respond to the Big Guy. You see not everyone is cut out to become a guardian that's why God chooses them himself. You see I don't even know why I even made it into heaven. I'm a complete fuck up.

You see I was the bad ass loner kid that no one cared about. I was abused and never loved. My own parents left me. I so alone. And then the worst part was, was when I met the love of my very short life Liam. As soon as my family found out that I was gay my dad accused me of being a sinner, he beat me and screamed at me. Then he tossed me onto the streets beaten and bloodied. With what little strenght I had I stood up and walked to the nearest bridge before I threw myself off.

When I woke up a man was in a white suit with his back to me. At first I thought that I had survived, I had started to sob until the man spoke up. "Why are you crying? You should be happy you succeeded." He told me. I froze, I had actually done it... I had actually killed myself.... but what I didn't understand was why I felt so empty. "Why did you do it Zayn?" The man asked.

"B-b-because..." I stuttered nervously. He chuckled. "Was it because you were gay? Was it because you felt alone? Because I made you that way, I wanted you and Liam to find eachother. I can't have people having kids all the time the earth isn't big enough for that. I love everyone for who they are and Zayn how do you think that this effected Liam?" He asked me. That is when I realized who this was... I was talking with God. My jaw dropped I didn't even think of how Liam would have felt. I felt the tears well up in my eyes again. Liam.... the one good thing in my life that I left behind. "I-I-I... Liam..." I sobbed. My heart seemed to be broken and torn into pieces. "Zayn you cannot go back... Remember you chose this. You wanted to die." He told me, I simply nodded.

"It was the right thing to do..." I told him. He sighed and sat down next to me. "How so?" He asked. "Because... I couldn't bring Liam into that. I couldn't bring my boyfriend into my fucked up life. He thought they were strict, he thought that my whole badass thing was a phase when really it was a shield. I couldn't let him know that I had no friends to protect myself from ridicule. I couldn't do that to him. To his innocence, to his body, to his heart. His is strong but not that strong. I did it because it was the right thing to do. If you love something then let it go, but I couldn't have him come back he deserves better. He needs better." I told him. His grin expanded into a smile. 

"Zayn that is why you are in Heaven." He told me as he patted my knee. Then he wasn't there any more. I stood up and walked over to the door and walked out. I walked down to the hallway and saw a door called 'The Looking Glass'. I walked into it to see a small little bird bath. I walked over to it and looked down. Suddenly the water swirled and changed, I saw Liam.

*Liam's POV*

I woke up feeling that something was wrong. Noramlly it was because Zayn wasn't with me. I checked my phone and no new notifications. I scowled in confusion. I got up and threw on a pair of sweats and walked downstairs to see my mum on the phone. As soon as she hung up she noticed me in the room. "Hi hun." She said. I smiled. "What are you going to do today?" She asked. I shurgged. "The usual, meet Zayn for breakfast, then hang out with him. And other stuff you don't need to know." I replied with a cheeky wink. Her eyes filled with tears. "Mum I was kidding..." I told her. She simply shook her head. "Honey when did you last talk to Zayn?" She asked. 

"I don't know, yesterday. He told me he was going to come out to his parents." I told her. She walked over to me. "Liam did you know that Zayn was depressed?" She asked me. My jaw dropped. "What? Why? Where are you going with this? Jesus fuck I need to see if he is okay." I said scrambling around the house. I felt my heart cave in on itself. "Liam stop. Don't call him. Just listen to me." She told me. I froze and faced her. 

"Honey last night, Zayn... well he killed himself." 

*Zayn's POV*

I watched with tears running down my cheeks. I watched as his knees gave out and he collapsed onto the floor. His house filled with his heartbroken sobs. His body shook as he cried. He screamed for me. Karen wrapped her arms around him. Then all I heard was him. His voice. But the one thing that made my heart break was. "I want to die...I want to be with him." Then the sound and the image drowned out into the pool. I collapsed breathlessly. I put my head in my hands and tears started to flow, what had I done?


	2. Chapter 2

It had been 2 days since I went near 'The Looking Glass' room. I just couldn't do it. I was laying in my bed room when I felt a sharp pain in my back. I let out a cry as I felt skin begin to tear. Then my door burst open and two angels came in. Both women. One grabbed scissors and cut open my shirt. While the other grabbed my face.

"It is time little angel. You are growing your wings. You will either get white or gold wings. That will determine what you are." She told me. But everything seemed distant the pain clouded my vision as my body rippled suddenly it all stopped. The room fell silent. The pain left as quickly as it came. I felt free, I felt strong, and for once I felt happy. I looked to the angels who stood there jaw dropped. "What color are they?" I asked quietly but my voice came off as soft rolling thunder. I turned my head a saw feathers black as night. They exchanged glances. "Little one you have the mark of a archangel. You seem to be the eighth." She told me. Then the door opened and God stepped in. The two women hurried out. 

"Zayn, I have chosen you to be the 8th archangel." He told me. 

"Who are the others?" I asked. He chuckled. 

"Gabriel, Michael, Raphael, Uriel, Selaphiel, Jegudiel, and Raguel. But you will be mainly dealing with Raphael and Michael." He told me. 

"But why?" I asked. 

"Because you are going back... back to London." My breath hitched. I shook my head. "No I will not go back. I left for a reason." I said. He gave me a warm smile. 

"Zayn, Liam is on a downward spiral. You need to be there, let him know you are okay without letting him know." He told me. I let out a laugh. "Okay and how is that? Because that sentence is contradicting itself." I scoffed. 

"Zayn haven't you heard that God talks in riddles? Have fun. On earth Michael and Raphael with be your brothers but unfortunatly you will go back to your home. But remember there is a reason for everything." He told me. Suddenly the room spiraled around us then I felt a falling sensation. I landed harshly on the ground with a thud then heard two snickers from behind me. I looked up to see two teen age guys standing next to each other. One was about 6'2" and the other 5'11". The tall one had a broad frame and curly brown hair. The other had black hair that was windswept. "So I take it you are Michael and Raphael." I stated. They nodded. "Yup and I take it that you are the new kid." He said. I nodded. "Well then lead the way." Michael told me. I turned around and led them up the steps to the door. I opened it and walked in. I was greeted with a slap to the face. I gritted my teeth not wanting to hit who ever just hit me. I looked up to see a burning pair of brown eyes. My adopted father stood there. 

"How dare you try to hide. I treated you decent." He spat. I simply nodded. He continued to hit me until I was down on the ground. Then he turned to Michael and Raphael. "So you two are the new kids. Well listen and you will do just fine." He hissed. They simply nodded. He walked up stairs leaving us three alone. I knew my face was probably six different shades of blue and purple. I shakily stood up and Raphael helped me. "Jesus... you look like shit." Michael said. I shurgged. 

"Wait until he throws an object into the equation. Like a pipe or a belt." I said while smirking. The let out a chuckle. "How did you even get into heaven you sadistic little shit." Raphael joked I just shrugged. "Dunno just sortta hapened." I replied before walking into the closet under the stairs and pulled out my hidden pack of smokes, I stuffed them in my pocket before going upstairs to change my clothes. I slipped on a pair of skinny black jeans and my Guns n' Roses tee. I pulled my hair into a quiff before putting on my black combat boots. I walked downstairs. "And where do you think you are going?" I heard Marcus my adoptive father asked. 

"Out." I bluntly answered. He pushed me into the wall. "You are coming with me. You need to repent for your sins." He hissed. I laughed. "I'm pretty sure I'm in God's good books." I spat, like always he hit me for talking back. I just shut my mouth as always and followed him out to the car. I passed Michael and Raphael. That's when I felt and arua of comfort and goodness. I simply nodded and I was put into the small hatchback. 


	3. Chapter 3

We got up to the church and I suddenly felt at home. I felt comfort. I felt Gods warmth and love. I happily got out of the vehicle and walked inside. "I will pick you up in 1 hour." He spat before speeding off. I walked up the steps and into the stone building. I heard voices echoing across the walls. 

"Father I have a question...." One of the voices said, the priest responded telling the young man to continue. "Um... my very good friend well she was troubled... she was depressed to the point that she killed herself... and I want to know could she go to heaven?" I heard the young man ask. I peaked around the corner and saw a boy with sunken cheeks and blonde hair. He was also very frail looking. "Well God frowns upon one taking their own life but if you pray his soul might be sent to purgatory. Where he would wait out many lifetimes before his own judgement day only then he might be accepted to the kingdom of god." The priest told him. The boy collapsed, abosolutly heartbroken. The priest just walked away. Anger coursed through me. How could he leave a clearly very depressed boy crying in his church. 

I walked up to the boy silently and rested my hand on his shoulder. He looked up to me with very sad eyes. "Don't worry... God has reasons for everything..." I told him. He cried even harder. I knelt down and gathered him in my arms. "S-S-She l-left me." He sobbed. 

"Why?" I asked. He sniffled a little. "She had fourth stage lung cancer and she was going through kemo. She told me that she didn't want me to see her skinny and bald that she wouldn't be beautiful. I told her that we would do it together, together to the end. I stopped eating so I could lose weight like her. When I told her that I was going to shave my head with her she told me that she needed some time alone. I gave it to her and an hour later I went into her hospital room and she had killed herself. I can't live with out her." He sobbed. I hugged him tighter. 

"Best thing to do is believe in God and believe that she has gone to heaven because trust me God is one weird dude." I told him he chuckled. I stood up and helped him up. "Now please start eating again. She wouldn't want you to waste away." I told him. He simply nodded before leaving the church. I started to think about that whole situation when my thoughts were interupted. 

"Sir may I have a word." I heard the priest ask. I turned around and acknowledged him. "You just put false faith in that boy. You practically told him that she went to heaven when she killed herself which is a sin. Sinners who do not repent do not assend into heaven. Neither do liars." He hissed. I chuckled. 

"Ha! Please I know more about God and Heaven and what it means to do good and what not than any of you." I spat. It only seemed to enrage him. 

"You are a mere street rat, a little boy lost. I am the vessel on earth in which God speaks." He challenged. Suddenly I felt Gods pressence. And I heard him whisper a verse from the Book of Revelation into my ear. I was suddenly given Gabriels flamming sword in hand and my wings burst free as I was soon lifted off the ground. The priest fell to his knees and bowed down to me. 

"And when I had heard and seen them, I fell down to worship at the feet of the angel who had been showing them to me. But he said to me, "Don't do that! I am a fellow servant with you and with your fellow prophets and with all who keep the words of this scroll. Worship God!" My voice came off as soft thunder.  "Do not seal up the words of the prophecy of this scroll, because the time is near. Let those who do wrong continue to do wrong; let those who are vile continue to be vile; let those who do right continue to do right; and let those who are holy continue to be holy." I spoke word of not my own but of my father. 

"Look, I am coming soon! My reward is with me, and I will give to everyone according to what they have done. I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End. Blessed are those who wash their robes, that they may have the right to the tree of life and may go through the gates into the city. Outside are the dogs, those who practice magic arts, the sexually immoral, the murderers, the idolaters and everyone who loves and practices falsehood. I have sent my angel to give you this testimony for the churches. I am the Root and the Offspring of David, and the bright Morning Star. The Spirit and the bride say, "Come!" And let those who hear say, "Come!" Let those who are thirsty come; and let all who wish take the free gift of the water of life." My voice began to grow along with the thunder above.

" I warn everyone who hears the words of the prophecy of this scroll: If any one of you adds anything to them, God will add to you the plagues described in this scroll. And if any one of you takes words away from this scroll of prophecy, God will take away from you your share in the tree of life and in the Holy City, which are described in this scroll." I spoke wityh intensity and passion. The sword disapeared and I slowly desended to the ground. My wings retreating into my back. The man was shaking and trembling. Thats when I heard Michael and Raphael.   


"Ah fuck what the hell did you do?" Michael scorned. 

"I didn't do anything, I let God guide my like a shepard does his sheep." I hissed. Raphael had managed to calm the man down. It was only then that I heard footsteps. I turned around and saw the one person that I was not meant to reveal myself to.... Liam.


	4. Chapter 4

I watched breathlessly as he approached me with a quickening pace. As soon as we were standing right in front of each other I went to say something but was cut off by a cold hard slap across the face. "Li.." I choked out. He had never even hit me before, I felt the tears well up. "Go a fucking head Malik. Cry. Because maybe just maybe you will be able to talk about your fucking problems instead of jumping off a fucking bridge!" He screamed. I stood up straight as Liam yelled. I looked into his eyes and saw only hurt and anger. He had shoved me back. 

"Do you have any fucking idea what I went through when you died?!" He hissed, he went to hit me again but I caught his hand. The motion and force of his hit still continued and sent us flying to the floor. I landed on top of him holding his arms above his head. He wriggled under my grip and screamed at me for various items. "Let me go..." He whimpered his strenght finally breaking, a tear had begun to roll down his cheek. "I was there Liam... I was with you. I never wanted to leave you just the life I had been living." I told him. He broke down into complete sobs. I let go of his arms and sat him up and held him tightly. 

I let my wings expand and I covered our bodies with them. As he cried into my chest. "I hated you Zayn... I hated you for what you did...." He whispered. I sighed. "I know... I know you did." I told him, he cried even harder. "But people said you would go to hell.... But you are here." He said. I let out a shaky sigh. 

"I know... I'm so sorry for that. Liam you need to do me a favor though." I told him. He looked up at me with wide sad eyes.

"What?" He asked me. 

"I need you to forget me I need you to move on." I told him. I placed my index finger on his temple and my thumb on his forehead and wiped the past fifteen minutes from his mind. As soon as I removed his hand he fell backwards. I placed a quick kiss on his forehead before walking away. I hid behind one of the pilars that held up the church and waited.

I heard a muffled sob coming from Liams direction. I bkt down harshly on my lip as I wanted to run to him and comfort him. "Zayn...." I heard him whimper before he stood up. I drew in a sharp silent breath and exhaled once he had left the church. I colapsed onto the ground cluching my knees. I heard footsteps approach me. I looked up to see Rapheal standing there. 

"Want to talk?" He asked sitting next to me. I simply shrugged. "You can tell me whats on your mind you know that right?" He said quietly.

"I.. I just want to die all over again. There was a reason I killed myself and now God just sends me right back. If he is trying to teach me a lesson I don't want to here it." I whimpered. He stayed silent to allow me to continue. "I'm so tired of being beaten by my dad, tired of society not accepting who I am. Tired of not being good enough, I'm never good enough. I was a worthless human and I'm an even worse angel." I cried.

"Who cares what the world thinks. If God agreed with what they think then you would have sent you to hell but he thinks you are worth so much more. Only what God thinks matters and he hasn't created an archangel with dark wings since the days before time. You are special and he knows it." He whispered pulling me close. I nodded before we heard the door burst open. We stood up and walked towards my father.

"You are a demon in Gods house!" The priest yelled. "How dare set foot into this place of worship!" He yelled. We froze side by side. Marcus walked up to me and grabbed my shirt throwing me down onto my knees. He dragged me towards the fountain. The priest came up behind me and gripped my hair tighly.

"Let this blessed water send you back to hell where you belong. Let the power of God damn you for eternity!" He chanted before throwing me under the water and holding me. Air escaped my lungs and water replaced it. I clawed at the wrist that held my head under. Suddenly I saw the water become illuminated. Suddenly I was pulled from the water. Raphael grabbed me and pulled me close. I started to cough up the water tears flooded my eyes and I clung to the older angel. He held me back. I looked up to see Michael and God standing there. Tears freely flowed at this point. God walked up to me and gently grasped my chin.

"M'sorry." I whispered. His face was full of sympathy and grief. His other hand gently pushed back the hair on my fore head. 

"For what?" He asked. 

"For everything... for being a fuck up, for showing myself to Liam. For screwing all of this up.... I'm sorry." I whimpered. 

"Zayn, the last archangel whose had wings like yours was in the same situation. He had a heart of gold but he had that tainted corner in his soul. That corner of self-hatred that distroyed him. He was called a demon, a follower of Satan. He was consumed by grief that he allowed himself to be damned. A few Rabbis preformed an excorsim on him and his celestial soul was sent to hell and a week later he killed himself sending his mortal soul with it. Zayn humans will never understand and you may never understand but I have a plan for you, I believe in you. Most of all I care for you like a father would his son. Now go, go and see Liam." He told me, my jaw dropped. He simply nodded. I stood up and looked him directly in the eye and he only nodded. I spun on my heels and ran out of the church. 


End file.
